The Problem with Maternity Wear
* Repost from August 2009 … a great read which just had to be reposted! *
I’m writing this article as a 26 year old Mummy to two year old Monty with a three month bump. I work as a childminder, so life pretty much revolves around diddy people!
I have no blog and no website, no creative ‘product’ to sell… YET I know I have a child orientated wunderprod lurking in the back of my mind! But for now, biscuits and sofa’s and red wine (well used to be!!) call me of an evening – so thus far just little old me and a bit of tweet twit twooing to other amazing, inspiring ‘Mumtrepeneaurs!’
Obviously as I am in the teeny tiny early stages of pregnancy, I am writing from the perspective of my previous 2007 pregnancy with Little Mo, but do not let that make you think that I do not know my onions, well bump bands…
With this pregnancy – I AM OBSESSED. I want this pregnancy to be uber stylish right from the off – no oooozing into my old skinnies for me, no doing them up with a hair band for a few more weeks. No No, it’s Yummy Mummy for me, well at least trying to if it wasn’t for…
Maternity Bra’s. Do not get me wrong, in the early days of pregnancy as soon as you whip off your underwire and go for a comfy maternity bra the oooohs and aaahs of relief could me misconstrued by a passerby my open bedroom window. Comfort is not the word! Lush bags, for your lush bags if you get my drift! BUT WHY MUST THE STRAPS BE SO MAHOOOSIVE? I know, your baps need support, but I’m not lugging around two vicars heads, they’re just the girls you know. Not that big, okay big granted, but not THAT big? No matter what you do the great big bushtenholder straps always inevitably end up on show? This is a bit naff! This time round I’ve gone into feeding bras straight off just cause of the previously mentioned mega comfort. But the looks I get when bopping about with my two year old unbeknown to me that my leopard print Bravissima strap is on show, popper and all. People must be thinking ‘oh lordly she is still breastfeeding that long legged TWO year old’ I’m not . He has all his teeth y’know!? So listen up booby supporters, thin the straps a bit! OK!?
Skinny jeans. LOVE THEM. Will not wear boot leg. No ta, I’m a trendy Wendy or so I like to think and bootlegs make me look far too grown up, but anyway I digress. Back to the skinnies, the Topshop maternity Baxters were available last time round and the problem lies in this, they only make under the bumpers. ‘Of course’ I hear you mutter, ‘Under bumpers are far more stylish.’ Well yes, on the hanger! But once you get them on, they allow nasty muffin tops to loll over the top Vicky Pollard style. AND they start to sag as soon as you put one foot in front of another. However over bumpers, keep all the pud in place, smooth bumps well lumps any hoo, bumps can’t really be smoothed. And finally, that over bump sock keeps the bun in oven warm… what’s not to love? Simple! So please Topshop et all, add the sock!
WRAP TOPS!!! I have had enough, siding wrap tops. Does anyone wear one whilst up zee duff and look good? Are they not too tight on the bump baggy on the boob unless you have a bump the size of a strawberry and boobs the size of a watermelon? I see pics of them in various yoga poses and do see the Zen style calm of them! But I know… I know they look pap, well on me anyway, if you looked good in one then please answer on a postcard or at least a comment below?
Jim Jams. Winnie the Pooh. Get lost. ENOUGH SAID.
Leg lengths. All pregnant women suddenly develop a 32’’ inside leg. Apparently. Give us a choice people. I have little legs and I am not ashamed of it. What I am ashamed off is the fact I have to keep asking my Nan to take my maternity jeans up…. Pah! Sorry Nan.
Waterfall cardigans. There is some sort of subliminal nastiness going on hear I am sure of it. I keep looking at them thinking ‘Oh I am preg I must have one’ this is ridiculous. Non preg I would never be seen dead or even dying in one. But I feel I need one. I bet its Holly Willow-big-boobies fault. She looked gorge in them. But no I shall stay strong. I bet I buy one though….
Phew. Rant over. Now I don’t want you all thinking I am some mardy type, all winge and lemon licking off stinging nettles. I’m not, I’m little Miss Sunshine according to my Husband. But these things had to be said.
* Embarrassed cough. (I fear I have said too much?!?)